Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
