Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
