Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
