one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
