Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
