what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I want her autograph on my taint
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
foreskin is a definite game changer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
