I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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