is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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