she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
