I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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