I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You made out with two different species that night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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