why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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