Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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