I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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