Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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