i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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