i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
