Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
