Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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