how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
