is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
