I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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