Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How external is "for external use only"?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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