Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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