Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
