I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
