i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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