wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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