yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
this hospital has no fireball
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
