dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
