I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
