The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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