I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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