hell yes lets make some ravioli
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
