I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Found your dick twin last night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
