Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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