I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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