In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
