Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
