Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
