How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
