I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
