Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
