Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
