she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
