is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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