If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
