she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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