party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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