haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
