It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
