trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
