help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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