ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
