I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
