I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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