were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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