the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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