I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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