I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
