I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
