I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
