oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
