So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
