I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
