i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
