Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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