The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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