i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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