dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
