dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
