I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
