What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
