Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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