We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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