i permit you to call me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
