I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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