nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
one might say we're banned from that church
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
