haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
