Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
