remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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